According to my brother, there are no good women out there. As a fearless, funny and “fabulous sista,” I want to disagree with him. As a logical, discerned observer, I have to agree. There are no good women out there. We (yes, I must include myself) are all bad. Not, bad in the sense that we are the opposite of good; but, bad as in spoiled, ruined or damaged. “How so?,” you may ask. Well, chivalry is dead. Lil Wayne is the new IBM and Steve Harvey has us all running around trying to “think like a man”… (How can we learn to do that when we can’t even figure out what it means to think like women?). We are doomed. Ruined. Spoiled. Bad. After having been taught to swim in a sea of sharks, one has the tendency to be a little scarred. My bro is a good guy. “Mr. Nice Guy”. The one every “Bad woman” dreams about but doesn’t think truly exists. All he wants is a Good woman, one that will appreciate and return the love she truly deserves.
As a hysterical woman, I accept my inner “Bad girl.” She’s a little afraid, sometimes defensive and very angry. Not at Mr. Nice Guy; but, at all of the “Bad Boys” that she made bad decisions with out of good intentions. Unfortunately, those men are long gone. Never to return or even look back for that manner, so that just leaves poor Mr. Nice Guy to feel the wrath of our broken, bandaged; yet, unhealed hearts.
When my brother shares these thoughts with me, I simply look at him with the same pity and distain one has for a stray cat. You feel bad for it; but, not enough to take it home and care for it yourself. On the one hand, he’s a great guy, and any woman should be happy to have him; but, on the other hand, I’m a little angry with him for blaming his dating woes on us.
I find it amazing that if a woman dates a man she has no feelings for, leads him to believe that there is a future in the relationship, then uses him for his money that she is labeled everything from “gold-digger” to “whore.” However, if a man does the same thing to a woman, his motivation being sex, society turns around and blames the woman for her misjudgment, and, yet again, the “w-word” comes into place, because she should have practiced chastity. Double standard, much?
It’s not our fault his comrades were jerks and broke our hearts. In fact, it was his. Yes, his. When was the last time he stood up for the rights of women, or himself, for that manner, and declared an end to the mistreatment of women and the subsequent mistreatment of Nice Guys around the world? Never. He just sits back, watches his (Bad) boys seek and destroy. Never uttering a word. Never saying “Hey guys you’re wrong” or even “Yo bro, you’re messing this up for the rest of us.” His silence is their affirmation. Our pain is the consequence. And because of this, I can’t really sympathize.
I tell my brother that he has two options, one, start shopping the local middle schools for girls that have yet to experience the transformative pain of reckless abandonment or adjust his perception of what a good woman is. Of course, because he is good man and not a pervert, he goes for the latter. I explain that most Bad Women have the potential to be good again. That we just need someone that is good, honest and patient to show us the love and affection that we long disregarded as a figment of our imaginations. He nods; but, his eyes say “Damn, that sounds like a lot of work.” And I agree; it will be. But, that’s what it’s going to take. Well, that and when he does finally meet, care for and marry his “Ms. Right,” formerly known as “Madam Bad Girl #34,” that they have sons and raise them in their father’s likeness. God knows we could use more “Nice Guys” in the world.
I love my brother, he’s one of my best friends and one of the best men I’ve ever met. So, of course, I don’t blame him for the dating woes of me and my sisters. My accusations are in jest. However, I just wish that once or twice, someone would stand up for us, and say, “Don’t break my sister’s heart.”
Question. What do nice guys really think of the bad behavior their brothers exhibit? Does it bother them, as much as it does us, or do they think it’s our fault that we fall for the game?
Hello my sister and friend, I can call you that can I? I read this with interest and let me tell you this is something that I have had discussions about many times, yes brothers do stick up for sisters it depends who you talk with and what mindset that people have when your speaking to them en mass, I have no hang ups about seeking the fair treatment of sisters, it must work both ways though, I am not a male dominating person, but I need my lady and she knows that, and she needs me, we need to stop fighting each other and put each other first. I have seen me and other brothers get into it when they try to put all sisters in the same boat, not all sisters are the same, nor are all brothers the same it depends how we are raised, and some of us, both male and females have issues, and that is with trust and its stemmed from somewhere in the family in the encounters that we are faced with and the experiences that help shape us in our mode of thinking, however we shouldn't generalise in our thoughts just because of an experiences which may be true of what happened, but not true of every man and woman, there are a lot of good men and women out there that want to give their heart to someone that is so deserving, and I have spoke to some called brothers and sisters that take delight in peoples pain, i hate it, life is difficult as it is already, why make it more harder, i have sounded out people that want to make crass judgements on what some women are like and tend to limit their thoughts on the bad things some sisters do, instead of praising the good ones that will do anything to make sure that that the world and your world is better, so there are brothers like me and others that do stand up for good women, are proud of the soul they possess, and gain strength in the platform that they are on, its a great medium of peace and sets the tone for me to raise my stake in committing to the love that can be shared with the special lady that i have in my life, cheers to the good woman that make me look great as a man and also I admire, they are worth their weight in gold and love and I will always champion their feelings above anything else, there are more brothers that pride themselves on treating the ladies with the respect they deserve and also cry with them that hurt for no reason of their own, they just met a bad brother or an uncommitted one, but remember that brothers go through that with sisters too, we have some unbalanced people and emotive pain don't make it any easier, however I am glad to say that we discuss great and good women all the time, I am proud you brought this up sister, we will talk more about this, thanks and remember that their are many discussions like this, I don't stand around when a brother has hurt a sister emotionally and say that its ok, its never ok on both sides, never, cheers to you and the good sister out there, I thank you, and we do care, a concerned brother
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your comments. You have made some really great points and I am very happy to hear that good brothas do stick up for us. If you has not said anything, I may not have ever known this. I think we (as in all men and women) should make a habit of praising (and defending) each other more.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
G.
G,
ReplyDeleteI must say you are on to something. Where as the previous post is a brother who clearly comes to the defense of females when witnessing the misogynistic ways of other brothers, I know most of us so-call nice brothers stand-by and choose not to participate. Mistakenly believing our non-participation somehow vindicates us. You are absolutely right it does become difficult to navigate a field of women having to prove we are not like the brothas they've dealt with in the past. Or worse yet, get turned away because they prefer the apparently more masculine thug, who has no idea what the responsibilities of a "real" man are. It is time for the "Nice Guys" to defend our sistas honor just as you have suggested and start speaking up. Clearly, G, has made the case to do this for ourselves if we ever to hope to find a sista who's ready for the guy that will treat them right.